Fear you are not good enough
by DutchNadya
Summary: Winnie is a little nervous and jealous and goes to Jules for help. (Enjoy this little one-shot)


**He all, I am back from Indonesia and back home in my own country. My trip has been amazing.  
It might be a little. But I wish you all a great great year.  
This is a little story I wrote and I hope you guys like it. I will start my sequel on Lost brothers soon and I have several other ideas in mind so stay tuned. **

**I really hope you all like. Please please review!  
I do not own Flashpoint and sorry for any grammar mistakes. **

**Loves, Nadya **

Jules looked away from the little boy on her lap the moment Winnie crouched down on the seat in front of here. Winnie sighed deeply and held here big belly. Jules smiled. Winnie was almost 7 months pregnant and a bit, no sorry very, emotional. Jules knew Winnie thought she looked like a cow or a whale or an entire zoo for that matter. Jules knew because she had been there. She had been there twice. And most likely, if it would be up to her beautiful husband, a lot more times in the near future.  
For Winnie however this was the first time and it wasn't easy.  
'Something wrong Win?' Jules asked while bouncing here knee to keep the boy on her lap happy. Winnie looked at Jules' son with an affectionate smile. She couldn't wait until her baby would be there. To hold and to cerise. She loved it already.  
Winnie shook her head. 'No. Not really, just… I don't know.'  
Jules looked at the worried futures of her friend. Something was clearly bothering her. And worries inside a pregnant woman? Not a good combination. 'You can tell me, I won't tell anybody' She loved softly. 'And neither would Matthew'.  
Winnie laughed and nodded her head agreeably. 'You probably think it is stupid'  
'I doubt that. Try me.' Jules told her a little to fierce.  
'Okay, you see I am really happy you know, really really happy. And I think Spike is as well. But what if he isn't. you know I am really pregnant and really fat and ugly, and I know he says I look amazing but he kinda has to because I might kill him if he says otherwise.' This made Jules laugh. 'but what if he isn't really happy. I am emotional all the time. I keep pushing him away and I am constantly busy with the baby. Spike likes fun girls, pretty and slim girls, girls who know a lot more about the same things he does. Like bombs and weapons and such.' This made Jules look up. Why would she think Spike didn't like her anymore. Of course she was emotional but she noticed before with Sam that he only loved her more the time she was carrying his child. And Spike was still crazily In love with Winnie. No doubt about that. Than why would she think this?  
'Winnie, I know Spike loves you, not some other girl. Why would you even think that?'  
Winnie mumbled something.  
'Winnie?' Jules questioned while lowering Matthew in her lap, laying him down, giving him a chance to sleep.  
'I saw him with another girl!' Winnie suddenly said fiercely and loud. Matthew started to cry. 'Jules shushed him and hold him against her chest. Matthew calmed down immediately.  
'I am sorry, so sorry, I am so sorry Jules. I didn't meant that.' Winnie started saying.  
'Don't worry about it Winnie.' Jules calmed here. 'He is okay, he just doesn't like loud noises. What girl did you see him with Win, what are you talking about. Spike is cheating?'  
Winnie shook her head. 'No not cheating, not yet at least. There was this girl. The new girl from team 5?' Jules nodded and started piercing the pieces together. 'You think Spike likes her? ' She asked.  
'I don't know, maybe. I know she likes Spike. And why wouldn't she. He is hot, nice, a gentleman, happy and he knows a lot about what she does as well. She is also into bombs and computers and such. And I am not. Maybe she is more interesting? And she is really pretty. She was clearly flirting with him right in front of me.' Jules nodded. 'She was touching him every time she spoke. She laughed at everything he said. She said he was amazing and she was trying to be his fr# king arm candy all the time. They were talking about bombs and kinds and she said they shoot hang out. And I couldn't even blame him. Spike didn't say he would but you know. She is hot. She has a beautiful skin, amazing legs, she is slim and tall and here hear is really long an stylish. And she was even wearing a really low shirt. Like unbelievable. Spike must like that. And most of all she likes what he does. She understands him, she is self-consciousness, gets what she wants and she is really really hot. AND NOT PREGNANT.' Winnie ended here rant.  
Jules did her best not to laugh. She couldn't laugh right now because it would make Winnie feel even worse. But Winnie didn't have to worry about anything. Spike didn't like the new girl of team 5. Even though she was hot, not pregnant, smart en wore really low shirts. She might like him but there was no way Spike would cheat on his wife. But silly Spike was also naive and Jules doubted he even noticed the girls appearance nor her flirting. He probably was just happy to talk about bombs once more. Since it started to piss the others off.  
'Winnie..' Jules started to say but she had to think about what she wanted to say exactly. What were the right words? Inside Jules laughed again as she suddenly noticed this looked a lot like a situation she had a few years ago..

_Flashback. _

_Jules was standing in her locker room, brushing her hear. Thinking about what to do. What to do about Sam. She loved him. More than anything. And he loved her, she supposed. No she believed but what happened today kind of made her lose her game a little and she didn't liked that at all.  
Sam was a really handsome guy and she knew that. And she also knew that there were a lot of girls that liked him, that looked at him with their lusted eyes and short skirts and to low tops. _

_During the hot call earlier that day it hadn't been any different. She was negotiating while Sam and the others brought the innocents out safely. Jules had been proud of herself that she had deactivated the subject en made him release all the innocent people and then surrender. It had been tough but good and she was really happy. But the moment she decided to leave the truck and go outside she noticed Sam walking 2 young, tall and really beautiful woman outside and tot the safety area. The girls were holding his arms tightly like they still needed protection and he was their hero. They were smiling brightly with their perfect toothbrush smiles and kept saying he saved them. Jules could see and hear them very well from her place at the truck. Sam laughed a moment and shook his head.  
'It was a pleasure.' Jules laughed and grumbled at the same time. Sam loved being the hero. And that piece of JTF-he-man-cockiness had never really left him.  
'It must be really hard. You must be really brave.' The girl said and giggled while swaying her hands over Sam's biceps. Sam took a step back. 'I wish I would have a man so brave and.. ' she sighed deeply. 'Handsome at the same time. Really amazing.' She blinked her hazelnut eyes and licked her lips in a way that would make every guy stop what they were doing. Sam laughed and shook his head again.  
'Just doing my job.' He said.  
The girls giggled even more. The other one did a step forward. She pushed her long blonde hear over her shoulder and winked. 'I like man in uniform. So tight and manly, and, and and.. ouw' she sighed. 'I also like man out of their uniform.' And she putted her hand on his chest. Sam chook it off slowly.  
'I have to get back.' He said.  
The girls took another step closer and both took one arm. 'You should totally date the two of us.' The blonde one spoke. 'Yes you heard here right.' The brunette cut in. 'The two of us. We really like you.'  
'And..' The blond one giggled. Both off them let go of his arms and looked at him. 'Our dates do not have to include underwear. If you know what I mean.'  
Ow Jules definitely knew what she meant. Jules just wanted to take a step forward. - Take her riffle, walk up to him and hit her, yes HER MAN on the head and unconsciousness. And then she would drag him back into the truck while singing the song 'fuck you, fuck you very very much' to those little brats. That would be something for the girls to see.- When Sam laughed hard took a step back.  
'I have a girlfriend.'  
'She doesn't have to know.' The brunette spoke.  
'She will. And I don't what this. I am perfectly happy, but thank you for your generous opportunity. I am sure you will find a girl he would be happy to go out with the two of you. Bye.' He spoke while walking away and return to the rest of the group. Jules smiled, and walked after him, but still there was something inside her nagging. What if Sam would have said yes. Did more girls ask him that. They were clearly flirting and Jules didn't like that. But weren't they, or one of them, the perfect girl? The kind of girl that would be good for Sam? Like really pretty, the stay-at-home type of girl maybe? The girl that would do anything for him. Wouldn't Sam like that? She wasn't really feminine. And those girls surely were. What if Sam wasn't really happy. Her mind had been going around this circle the entire afternoon and hadn't stopped after her shower. _

_Behind Jules the door opened. Sam still hadn't learned to knock once entering a room, she highly doubt he would ever learn, nor want to learn.  
He smiled a boyish grin and walked up to her, putting his hands on her waist. Unintentionally she pushed him away from her.  
'Something wrong? ' he asked confused looking around suspiciously questioning without words if someone else was there.  
'No' Jules spoke like nothing happened and slowly took a little step away from him again.  
Sam sighed and spoke a soft 'Okay'. He took a few steps back and leaned against the wall waiting for her to finish. Jules knew he was highly confused and maybe little bit annoyed. Jules knew she was stubborn (wow understatement of the century) and Sam probably expected she wouldn't tell what was going on anyway. So way waste time trying? Or maybe he just didn't like her enough to do his best all the time. She could bet those girls from earlier wouldn't get angry at their man, nor would they lie when he would ask them. Maybe Sam was better off with them.  
Eurgh why did she keep thinking that? Why couldn't these thoughts just leave her alone. Through the mirror she looked at Sam, he was still waiting for her, smiling softly and fumbling with his hands. No Sam wasn't one to do nothing for a long period of time. Something that Jules thought was quite strange for a combat-sniper. Didn't those guys have to sit still for hours or even days?  
Somewhere Jules was happy Sam didn't bomb her with questions but his silence gave those nasty thoughts more space to enter her mind.  
Before even thinking she spoke: ' do you love me?'  
Sam looked up shocked, then laughed a little and walked up to her. 'Yes, very very much. Why you asking? Don't I show it enough?'  
'No.. yes.. I mean..' Jules stumbled.  
Sam turned her around slowly, and put his hands on her face. 'Jules what's going on? You're starting to worry me.'  
Jules sighed and looked into his beautiful eyes. 'I saw those girls today.'  
'What girls?' Sam asked confused.  
'You know those girls at the case?' Sam still looked very confused and unknowing. 'Those girls you saved.' Jules added.  
Suddenly Sam seemed to remember. He thought about it for a moment before answering:  
'Ow, right. What about them?'  
'Well, they were kind of .. you know.. pretty.' Jules asked insecurely. God she hated it this feeling.  
Sam kissed her with a smile. 'Not as pretty as you.'  
Jules sighed en looked away, taking a few steps towards the mirror and away from Sam. Clearly Sam didn't understand. She whispered: 'Liar.' In the believe Sam didn't hear her, but thanks to years in a crowded army hangar Sam had learned to hear exactly what he wanted to hear. 'Jules. Why do you call me a liar. You are the prettiest girl I know.'  
Suddenly Jules became angry. She turned around harshly en pushed him a little back. 'I am calling you a liar because you are one.' Sam started to say her name, but she interrupted him. ' no don't talk. I know they are way more pretty than I and you don't have to lie to me about it. They are extremely slim and have beautiful hairs en bodies. They are clearly good flirters and I bet they are amazing in bed as well. They'll do anything for you. Your dad will probably even like one of them, and let's not even start talking about your mom. The can probably cook and they go out with you. They would easily give up their jobs for you to become a freaking house wife and clean the damn house. They would probably look amazing next to you and they now a lot more about the world you come from. The don't have baggage Sam. No problems or painful pasts or trouble at work. Nothing. They are exactly everything I am not. And I now that. So don't lie to me. ' Jules ended here screaming.  
Sam stood still for a moment. A little shocked and a little hurt by what had just happened. Since when was his Jules so insecure and imbalanced. Sam didn't care about those girls. He only cared about the beautiful and feisty girl in front of him.  
'Jules' he started but Jules looked away again. He pulled her hand en forced her to look at him. 'Why are you saying this?' he questioned.  
'Because it's the truth.' Sam looked at her sternly. 'Because I don't like them.' She said. Sam frowned a moment. And Jules sighed, giving in when looking in his beautiful eyes and seeing his worry. 'Because they would be so much better for you. I bet you like them. And why wouldn't you. It's not like I could blame you , you know.'  
Sam shook his head. 'Jules, sweetheart. I love you. I love you and I love you. I don't care about those girls. I don't care about how the rest of the world think they are pretty. Because for me they would never be as pretty as you. I don't care that they would do anything for me. I would hate it. I don't want arm-candy. I want a girl that has her own opinion. That thinks for herself and that doesn't does whatever I ask her. I love how we disagree about everything. I love the way you think and get a little angry when you don't get what you want. I don't care about you baggage or your so called problems. You wanna know why? Because you are the only one who understands mine. You are the only one I can talk to.' Jules felt embarrassed as a small tear escaped her eye as Sam continued. 'I don't care about what my father thinks. I don't care about my mom's idea for my future family. My parents would never agree on any girl that isn't military. And I think I would never want a girl that's military. Because I don't agree on my father's methods nor his ideals. You call those girls perfect for me Jules, I call them boring. You call yourself less, I call you more. You are what makes me complete. You are everything I want. So I don't want to hear anything about you not being good enough for me. I love you exactly the way you are.'  
Sam came close to her and kissed her passionately. 'Please Jules, don't think I ever leave you.' He smiled softly. 'I won't leave you so easily.'  
Jules looked up to him and smiled. 'You promise?' she asked.  
'Scout's honour' Sam whispered. They kissed again and he took Jules in his arms. He didn't ever wanted to let go again. Afraid she might leave him, because there was no way he was going to leave her.  
'I am sorry.' Jules whispered against his chest. 'Don't worry about it. Though I never seen you like this before.' Jules laughed softly. 'I know. I don't really understand it neither. I am almost scary emotional today. ' she laughed again. Gave a little kiss on Sam's cheek and turned around. 'Let's go home.' _

Jules smiled at the memory. Everything had become better after that day. The emotions turned out to be caused by the baby in her belly. She found out she was pregnant and they had Sadie Marie Braddock and not very long after Sadie's birth a boy named Matthew Jacob Braddock was born, their second child. They were a happy family and she couldn't think of a better life. And here she was. On a SRU party sitting with her little boy. Looking at her husband talking with her friends and her daughter running around.  
And there was Winnie. An emotional, pregnant, scared Winnie. Believing the exact same thing she believed before. Fearing not being good enough for her husband. She smiled at her friend.  
'Don't worry Winnie. Spike loves you.' Winnie stubbornly shook her head, but Jules continued . 'He does. And the fact that you pregnant, or don't know everything about computers doesn't change that.'  
'You've ever had this?' Winnie asked and Jules nodded slowly.  
'It happens quite a lot honestly. But Sam doesn't notice most of those moments.' Winnie snickered a bit at that. 'A while ago it happened really bad. For me then' that's good Jules, Jules thought. Negotiations 101, make a bond. Show them you feel the same. Show them you understand.  
'You had?' Winnie asked hopeful.  
'Yes, there were to really pretty girls flirting with Sam. Sam didn't do anything with them of course, but for some reason I became scared. I didn't believe I was good enough for him, or for his parents for his ex-lifestyle. I have always been confident on who I am was, but suddenly I was afraid I might not be good enough for the thing I wanted the most.'  
'That's just how I feel.' Winnie spoke. Jules smiled and moved her arm slowly while Matthew had fallen asleep.  
'Yes it was. I took it out on Sam. He didn't understand a thing of it, I think, but I couldn't shake it off. When I finally did tell him he told me I was perfect just the way I was. He loved me because I wasn't like those girls. He likes me because I speak for myself, am against his parents and because he loves me. I know you are afraid he'll leave you every once in a while. So am I . but I think they fear the same thing for us. I don't believe Spike will ever leave you, but I can't solve this feeling neither. I do think you need to talk about this with Spike. He probably doesn't notice how it hurts you, but somehow you will use it against him, in words or deed or your behaviour. And that might not be fair. Only you can change this Winnie. You love him. He loves you. So don't worry.'  
Jules left it at that. Slowly stood holding the boy to her shoulders, gave Winnie a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the room. 

Winnie sat still in the room, looking straight ahead and caressing her belly. She loved Spike. He loved her. Were these feelings just hormones? Jules said she had nothing the fear. She didn't actually see Spike respond to that girl. Nor doing anything that showed he didn't like her anymore. Winnie smiled with a little more hope and stood up as well, almost falling down again but holding herself. Yeah, she was going to talk to spike tonight.

Jules walked into Sam's arms when she left Winnie behind. Sam smiled brightly. Kissed her lips and took his son from her arms. 'You want to go home?' he asked and Jules nodded slowly before telling the others goodbye. She saw Winnie standing next to Spike and she noticed Spike's smile and happiness all over his face. His hand on her hip and heart on his sleeve. They were going to be alright.

When Winnie and Spike arrived home, spike had noticed something was a little off with Winnie. But she was pregnant so that wasn't really different lately. 'You okay, honey?' he asked. 'Hmm.' Winnie simply said. Spike laughed softly and spoke: 'You want a warm bed, some ben and jerry's ice-cream maybe or same freshly made toast?' Winnie smiled but declined. She was to nerves to eat, even though she was hungry.  
Spike nodded and turned away from her planning to go upstairs en shower when he heard Winnie whisper his name behind him. He turned and nodded. 'Yes?' 'I have to ask you something.' 'okay' Spike didn't understand but he was smart enough to just agree.  
'What's wrong baby?' he asked after a long moment of silence.  
Winnie sighed deeply. 'I was worried today when I saw you with the girl from team 5. The pretty one you have some much in common with.'  
'I do?' Spike asked surprised.  
'I think she likes you, and I was worried for a moment that you like her to.' Winnie said.  
'I don't.' Spike said. 'I honestly don't even remember her name.'  
'I don't like her. At all. And I was worried that maybe you deserved her, since I am.. you know fat and emotional and everything.'  
Spike looked up strangely. 'you're pregnant and sweet. And the most beautiful girl in the world who for some reason choose me. I think I am a very lucky man. And I am not planning on losing that.'  
Winnie smiled. 'I was really angry and scared, but I talked to Jules. She told me to tell you and to just see that you love me. ' 'I do' Spike agreed. 'If you want me to, I could make sure I never see that girl again?' he asked after a while.  
'No need. I don't think I need to fear her.' Winnie spoke and hugged her husband. 'I love you Spike forever and ever.' 'I love you more Winnie.' Spike replied and they stood there next to the staircase hugging like statues. Enjoying the silence and each other's near presence. When suddenly Winnie moved and spoke. 'Now you were saying something about Ben and Jerry's?' Winnie smiled a mischievous grin and Spike just knew he was going to drive all over town to get one, because they had none at home. But he didn't care. He would travel the world to make her happy. That's what love is for.

**I hope you all liked. Lots of hugs and please review. **

**Loves, NAdya **


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